You’re walking in your grandmother’s backyard, approaching a creek you played in during your childhood. You’re with your dog, and nostalgia hits you sweet and salty like an ocean breeze. Then, suddenly, you notice something is off. In fact, you notice the head of some animal rearing out of the water, an animal taller than you are. Your pupils dilate. You want to screech in fear.
It’s a 200+ pound six-foot-five kangaroo, just taking a bath in your grandma’s creek.
Jackson from Perth sighted the animal at 11:30 am:
“I have been going to that creek since I was a little boy and there have always been kangaroos on the property. I was walking my dog and we saw this huge roo standing in the water. I have never seen a kangaroo standing in the water like that, we could just see his head at first, and he was one of the biggest I have ever seen.
“As I ran around him to take a picture he came closer and that was when I realised he was coming right at me and he was really big. I am pretty confident around animals but the moment when he started to come out of the water my heart definitely jumped and I decided to take a few steps back. He looked to be at least two metres (6ft 5in) tall, or taller, and must have weighed at least 100 kg (16st).”
U wot, m8?
“He had a really big body and was taller than me. There are a lot of roos at my grandma’s place but I have never seen one that muscular before – he was a big macho male. I decided to get Dharma out of there as we thought the kangaroo was going to lure him into the water to drown him.
“His claws were really big – they were as long as my hand. That for me was even scarier than his muscles, they looked nasty. I have never seen a kangaroo be so defensive – it definitely looked like he was puffing his chest muscles up. I definitely wouldn’t like to take him on in a boxing match.”
These giant muscular kangaroos are crazy intimidating. Nobody could or should fight them, except for that one guy who boxed out a kangaroo to protect his dog. He punched that kangaroo straight in the face – but those claws sound really bad. They’ll rip you open. A kangaroo is like an ape fused with a bear.
When a jacked kangaroo springs up from his relaxed bath to stare you in the eye, that’s a sign to run. Unless he chases you into your grandma’s house, beats up you and your grandmother, robs the place, steals some booze and jumps back into the spring, and slowly colonizes Australia.
Maybe kangaroos will grow bigger brains and just become humanity’s main competitors, like Planet of the Apes, except they can jump around like mad and slap you silly with gnashing claws. Kangaroos are cute sometimes, but giant ones like this are just frightening.